Goddess Upgrade #4: Receive Graciously

Learn to receive; gifts, assistance, advice, support, even compliments. Many of us are wary of ‘a free lunch’, after all there is no such thing, right? Besides our cynicism, society has also repeatedly drummed into us that giving is better than receiving. I find that to be such a nonsensical principle. If everybody is striving to be the giver, to whom, pray tell, are they to give? Every giver requires a receiver. Receiving is the gift which the recipient gives to the giver, thus making the act of receiving as noble as that of giving.

Learning to receive is essential if you would like to lead the rewarding life of a goddess. Many women endeavour to be the givers, an erroneous occupational hazard of the gender assigned the role of nurturer. Yes, nurturing is a feminine charge. Giving, however, is the domain of the masculine; making its opposite, receptivity, a feminine attribute.  Look at the sexual act and the design of our genitals. The male penetrates, pushes, advances; while the female accepts, allows and contains. The masculine gives, the feminine receives.

Receiving and nurturing are not mutually exclusive, in fact they are complementary. You will be no good at nurturing if you are depleted. Why do you think airline safety procedure insists that you place the oxygen mask on yourself first before attending to whomever else may need help? It is the only way it can work. Oxygen deprived mothers are in no position to save their children. You cannot pour from an empty jug, which is why so many of us are running on empty. We attempt to fulfill our role as nurturers while being very poor receivers. The results of this imbalance range from general crabbiness to various diseases caused by mental, physical or emotional exhaustion.

Stop insisting on doing everything yourself ‘because it’s the only way I can be sure it is done right’ and the tedious habit of rebutting compliments ‘oh no, this old thing! I think it makes my butt look big’. Such tendencies make it very hard for men to fulfill their masculine role as givers and providers. We emasculate the masculine, by not creating any space to receive what is being given. The nice thing about becoming a receiver is that it’s simply a ‘yes’ away.  Saying yes will place you firmly in your natural feminine state, allowing men an opportunity to give, a natural role of the masculine; provider. Think back to your school days, which girls did all the boys like to be around? The ones who said “yes”.  I know, it’s a crass example but it makes the point.

Today practice receiving; to an offer of help, say ‘yes, please’, to a compliment, say ‘yes, thank you’. You will feel good. The giver will feel good. You will have energy to nurture your loved ones. Everybody wins.

2 thoughts on “Goddess Upgrade #4: Receive Graciously

  1. Nnani says:

    Hi Kagiso

    I bought your book a couple of months ago but if you should see it now it looks like its been passed down from my grandma. I CANNOT PUT IT DOWN! I call it my second Bible and I mean that. I swear you wrote it for me.

    If there is one thing I want to pass down to my toddler , its going to be that book. I made all my friends read it and I proud to say most of them bought it as well.

    I am a village girl from Hammanskraal from a very poor family but I’ve always been one of those proud people(ne ke ipona if I want to put it bluntly). For some reason I knew I would not end up poor because I was not poor but my parents were. I never struggled to fit at school in fact I had friends who were from well off families.I always knew my worth. As a teenager I was even worse. I was picky when it came to boyfriends and all the boys in my community knew that. If you wanted to date me, you better come prepared.

    Sadly as I grew older I lost all of that. I settled. First it was with the type of men I dated then my career and ambition, now pretty much with everything. I am at a point where I just thank God that I am still breathing. But through all this there is that nagging feeling that I am worth more than this!

    Thanks to your book I am on my way to where I belong. I am going to reclaim what has always been mine. I guess its true what they say: Better late than never!

    Kind regards
    Nnani

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