Welcome to the month of Eros, Cupid and Amor. Do you, secretly or overtly, want to be the recipient of some grand gestures of love? If so, I bet it’s partly to demonstrate to yourself and others that you are loveable.
It is the norm to look to others for proof that we are loveable and loved. It is also the norm to have relationships that degenerate in to disappointment, dysfunctional and failure. It’s because the only way to experience true enduring love from another is to have it for ourselves. We have it backwards. We search for The One instead of becoming The One.
The Universal Law of attraction states that like attracts like. You will attract to you people like you. They will reflect you back to yourself. People in your life are your mirrors, and like any mirror the closer it is the clearer the image. Therefore, the closer you get to another the clearer they reflect your true feelings about yourself back to you. Usually intimacy comes with time. Isn’t it interesting then, that often with time relationships begin to lose romance, affection and many positive characteristics? It is the reflection becoming clearer.
Self-love is about experiencing your worth first hand as opposed to through other people.
Why don’t you dedicate February to cultivating self- love? Besides, if you do not believe yourself to be inherently worthy of love you are unlikely to freely receive or recognize any genuine love that may be on offer. Just as importantly, how can you give to another something you do not have?
In case you don’t know where to begin I have generated daily actions you can take towards loving yourself.
Feb 1 – Commitment
Make a commitment to nurture genuine love for yourself this month. Notice the feelings and thoughts this commitment evokes. Set an intention to take at least one step everyday to cultivate self-love. Write it down and tell at least one person about it.
Feb 2 – Practice self-acceptance.
From today, for the rest of the month, practice self-acceptance. Allow yourself to be okay exactly as you are. Reject no part of you. Accept your body, your thoughts, your feelings and your circumstances..
Feb 3 – To thine own self be true
Take heed of Polonius’ advice in Hamlet; “This above all, to thine own self be true”. Whose life are you currently leading? How many of your thoughts contain the phrases ‘I should’ and ‘I have to’?
Feb 4 – Look Good
For the rest of this month look good, the way you would for a new lover except this time you will be looking good for yourself. The best part is that when you look good you feel good.
Feb 5 – Detox
Detox your life of toxic people. Evaluate how everyone in your life makes you feel. Where possible, rid yourself of people who bring you down, along with friends who are most attentive when you are going through drama.
Feb 6 – Start a health regiment
There is no getting around this. Eat healthily, exercise, rest. If you don’t take care of your body you cannot possibly have true love for yourself, or at least your life. If you smoke, really ask yourself why you are willfully, albeit slowly committing suicide.
Feb 7 – Start a brag book
In it record your achievements and successes, compliments you receive and things you appreciate about yourself – qualities, features, characteristics, skills, etc. Make this book your constant companion.
Feb 8 – Forgive yourself
This is not an easy one but it is essential. Forgive yourself for all your perceived transgressions and shortcomings, where forgiveness seems impossible simply work on the willingness to forgive.
Feb 9 – Befriend your inner critic
Although the inner voice that is constantly berating and criticizing you brings you down and does you harm, it means well. Get to know your inner critic, and then gradually work on turning it into your inner cheerleader. You will soon have lots of cheerleading material from your brag book.
Feb 10 – R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
Respect is essential in a good, healthy relationship. Do you respect yourself? Start by examining your boundaries. Do you have boundaries? Do you uphold them? Are you consistent about how you can and cannot be treated or do you sometimes abandon yourself for others?
Feb 11 – Trust
Trust is a cornerstone of any successful relationship. Do you trust yourself? Can you count on yourself? Strive to always keep your word to yourself, at least for the rest of this month, and listen to your intuition.
Feb 12 – Flirt
Flirt, with everyone today; strangers, babies, dogs, the elderly, men, women. Use your personal magnetism to make yourself and another feel good.
Feb 13 – Cover Girl
Book a professional photo shoot for yourself. You get surprisingly reasonable packages which include professional photography, make-up and a spot of photoshop. Display the very flattering pictures of yourself where you can see them every day.
Feb 14 – I take you
Happy Valentine’s day! Today vow to love, honour and cherish yourself. Write special vows for your self and perform a self-love ceremony, with music, flowers, candles, etc, alone or with witnesses. The subconscious mind is symbolic and a ritual will send it a powerful message about your intention to cultivate self-love.
Feb 15 – Ode to your body
Acknowledge your body positively. List all the ways your body has served you in the past and continues to serve you in the present. This month dress to highlight your best assets not to hide your worst. Give away all the clothes you wear when you feel fat, ugly or bloated.
Feb 16 – Profess your love
Daily from today, perhaps when you are stuck in traffic, look at yourself in the mirror and say to yourself; “I love you”. Say it in the 1st, 2nd and 3rd person. That is, Kagiso, I love you; Kagiso, you love yourself; and Kagiso loves herself. Do this every day until it stops feeling like a lie.
Feb 17 – Love your Inner Child
Do the exercise above looking at a picture of yourself as a child. Often when it comes to emotional matters, it’s your inner child who runs the show. She behaves best when she feels loved.
Feb 18 – Learn to Receive
This month, give yourself permission to receive all good. Accept all help, compliments, opportunities and good fortune that comes your way with a gracious thank you and a smile. Know that you deserve it.
Friday Feb 19 – Bling Bling
Buy yourself jewellery made with Rose Quartz crystals. Rose Quartz is a stone of the heart. It balances the heart chakra and fosters self-love.
Feb 20 – Victoria’s Secret
Make a bonfire with all your old, ugly and worn out underwear then go shopping for sexy lingerie. From now on wear only underwear that makes you feel sexy. You’d be amazed how good sexy underwear makes you feel, especially if it’s for no one else but you.
Feb 21 – Do a good deed
Visit your lonesome grandmother or give time to a charity close to your heart. If you don’t have a charity or cause, this is a good time to examine what pulls your heart strings and get involved. Doing good regularly, will make you someone you can be proud of.
Feb 22 – Me Time
Create a daily me time ritual, even if it’s just 5 minutes to drink a cup of coffee out in the garden by yourself.
Feb 23 – Shall I compare thee to a rose?
Buy yourself a bunch of your favourite flowers and get them delivered to your office. When people ask who they are from, tell them they are from someone who loves you.
Feb 24 – Start a Band, baby
I loved that ad, with the guys who start a band by practicing their award acceptance speech. Pursuing your passions makes you feel good about yourself. Start or join a group for people who share your passion. These days it’s as easy as creating a blog or a Facebook page.
Feb 25 – Love other women
There is another Universal Law that states “As within, so without”. Generally women who don’t like other women do not like themselves. Conversely you can cultivate love, acceptance and support for yourself by giving love, acceptance and support to other women. Become a fan of women.
Feb 26 – How do I love thee?
Get some beautiful stationery, sit down and pen yourself a love letter. In it, write to yourself everything you would love to have a lover say to you. Post the letter, via snail mail. It’s great that our postal service is so unpredictable. Intend to get it back on a day you need to read those loving words.
Sunday Feb 27 – Go on a diet
A no media diet. Avoid all media for a week = no bad news about crime, natural disasters, duplicitous politicians and no images of surgically enhanced celebrities and airbrushed models!
Saturday Feb 28 – Be The One
If you were with your dream partner who treated you exactly the way you long to be treated, how would you behave? Take time to really imagine how you would be different if you were with The One. What would you be, do and have? Start incorporation those actions, attitudes and things into your life right now because you are with The One, you are The One. Then sit back and enjoy what you see in the mirror of relationships
Please let me know how your life and relationships have changed after dedicating these 28 days to loving yourself.