I was watching this cute video, a compilation of kids discovering and then attempting to run away from their shadows.
It is fun to watch because it is so silly, attempting to run away from your shadow. Yet, it is an apt analogy for what we do in relationships.
When we don’t like how we feel in a relationship (which happens when we see our shadow side) we attempt to run away. We get to the next relationship, damn shadow rears it’s ugly head again, and again, and again, and again.
Because we are wilier than the toddlers, we have a much broader repertoire of responses when confronted with our shadows through the mirror of relationships.
Some of us are lucky enough to realise that the shadow is part of us. That doesn’t make it go away. It’s still there, but once we figure out that the shadow is merely a reflection of us, we can have a different relationship with it.
Some of us decide to stick to the shade, which appears to obliterate the shadow, by staying out of relationships. We get fuck buddies, somebody else’s buddies, Jesus, yes I said it. Plenty women settle on Jesus when they don’t know how to do any other guy. But we stay in the shade. We figure that shade = no shadow. Alas, the cost = no fun in the sun.
Some of us figure out that we can venture out of the shade into the sun, and if you angle your body just right you don’t have to see your shadow and you can pretend it is not there. This is when you are in a relationship but you are not really in it. Your heart and your spirit are closed to it. People can keep this up for an entire lifetime, with wedding bands, new surnames, joint bank accounts and babies!
Shadows are scary when you first discover them, and you have a fresh wave of despondence when you realise that you can never get rid of your shadow, BUT if you accept your shadow and own it, you get to play in the sun.
Which route are you on?