“It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry,
I asked the author to write this post for the blog after we had a lengthy conversation about her “unusual” virginity at 27. I am interested in more insights around the matter.
Is it really unusual to be a virgin at 27 without a religious or cultural motive?
How old is “too” old? When does it start to signal a deeper issue?
Is there such a thing as the right one? If so, how do you tell?
If you do chose to comment, please keep in mind that this is not a fictional character from a TV series but a real life person and that it is not a solicitation for advice. Keep it respectful and empathetic. Thank you
One of my biggest “secrets” that I am most embarrassed to openly talk about is the fact that I am a 27 year old virgin. When I do muster the courage to discuss it with people, I am always met with gasps of disbelief and utter disdain. And the question that I am always asked is: “Are you such a conservative Christian?” Although I was raised in the Christian faith I do not consider myself to be so conformed that I would refrain from having sex.
And what is most amusing is the fact that I can’t exactly pinpoint why I have decided to not engage in sexual intercourse yet. I grew up in a very liberal home and I have always has very open minded views about sex, I am not opposed to anyone engaging in casual sex or them having many sexual partners and I have absolutely nothing against “one night stands”, as long as the parties practice safe sex. In fact I secretly envy women who are sexually liberated, as I am curios about what the experience of sex feels like.
Another common question is whether I am lesbian and I just don’t know it yet. Well I can surely say, No I am definitely not lesbian, in fact I have a deep erotic attraction to men, I appreciate most things about them, I love how they smell, how they think and behave and above all, above all how they have the ability to make me feel safe.
Recently when I decided to open up my “secret” to a bunch of girlfriends one of them suggested that I partake in a bit of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) or tapping as some like to call it. Her rational was that perhaps I have negative subconscious beliefs around sex. While I was reluctant to tap about why I’m still a virgin, as I personally don’t think that there is anything wrong with it.
I just haven’t “found” the right one yet. Well, while tapping one of the strongest emotions that came up was a deep longing to feel safe, I didn’t grow up with a father and the biggest void this has left me with is deep sense of vulnerability which I believe a man will cure if he showers me with enough love, affection and most importantly attention. For me one of the biggest ways a man can translate love to me is by showering me with an abundance of attention.
And throughout my dating history this need has unfortunately not been met, either he doesn’t call enough or doesn’t show me enough affection. So I always end up sabotaging my relationships in order to end them. When I do date guys for longer than 3 weeks I always ask them what their sexual expectations are in a relationship, and I always make it clear to them that my waiting period for sex is one year. Being upfront eliminates false expectations of having sex with me, as with most relationships sex is an expected part of the deal. I am not very keen on telling guys that I am still a virgin as I feel that it’s a very intimate part of me that not everyone deserves to know about.
I don’t really have any qualms about being a 27 year old virgin, it’s only when I am interrogated by people as to why I have still not been deflowered. And it is for this very reason why I am economical with the truth when it comes to my virginity, because most people want to exhaust all possible reasons that might be hindering my chances at sexual bliss. But alas, for now I’m happily ‘flowered’ and will continue to go about my business until I find the ‘one’ that I am willing to give it up for…..